Agha ji

Heart To Heart

By Dr. Muhammad Hafizullah

The fateful day which changed my life for good was some two decades ago. It was nineteen years ago that my ship took the worst plunge. I tried to bear the unbearable sock but I couldn't. I always believed in time as the biggest healer but it still hurts and indeed hurts very badly. It might have lost that sting but the wound has become deeper and more aching. The pain seems to squeeze the life out of me. At that time, I wish the beating heart to stop and the thinking brain to get numbed.  The pain is so overwhelming that I want everything to stand still - including my breathing. The life has just not been the same without Agha Ji, whom I lost physically nineteen years ago. But he is with me all the time. I wake up to offer my Salaam to him and I close my eyes saying good bye to him and praying for him. After all, I was part of him and he remains an integral part of me!

I used to go to clinic at 4 pm during summer. Every one used to be fast asleep. I used to tip toe my way out, so as not to disturb others. Every day he used to be waiting for me and as soon as I would go down the stairs, he would insist that I should have a glass of milk- already prepared in the fridge. Every day he would escort me to gate and bid good bye. Every day he would make it appear as if he was not waiting for me, but just happened to be awake and around!

I miss him the most when I go to mosque to pray. I can still visualise him praying in Kutcheri mosque -eyes closed with concentration and head bent in all humility. He introduced me to mosque and we used to pray together. This offered us an opportunity to interact more frequently. Every day he would introduce me to new concepts and clarify the ambiguities. Now that I and my son -Wahaj go to mosque together I think of Agha Ji and secretly wished for him to be around so that all three generation could reap the bounty of Allah Subhanu Taala together.

Much of the understanding of religion of us brothers and sister, comes from him. Much of our love for Prophet Muhammad (SAW) is inspired by him. We owe to him for whatever little devotion we have for the faith. Our children and us learnt and memorised last fifteen surat due to his efforts.

He always had his feet firmly on the ground! He was one of those whose heart resonated and lips rolled with zikre Allah. He would offer thanks to Almighty at every step and to teach us, he would express it openly. He would be thankful to Allah Subhanu Taala when the family would eat together. He thanked Him most profusely on completion of a journey. He would remember Him most fondly on waking up and bless the whole world with his prayers before going to sleep. He would be immensely grateful to Allah Subhanu Taala for offering his children the best possible education.

Agha ji had the honour of being first in many things. He had a distinguished academic career; he topped middle, secondary school and high school board examinations.

He was the first police officer in Pakistan to be honoured with the highest award for gallantry - Quaid-e-Azam police medal (QPM). My grandfather was decorated with King's Police Medal, the highest for gallantry in 1938. This distinguishes Agha ji as the first officer where both son and father were recipients of the highest police awards. Agha ji captained the first football team that left the shores of Pakistan in 1948. His "Hero football club" earned great respect for Pakistan, by their excellent performance in Iran. Being incharge of security at the president's house was a tough job; two DSPs succumbed to its pressure within six months prior to posting.

He was the distinguished officer to stay in that job for six years.

King Hussein bin Talal of Jordan decorated Agha ji with a medal-'High order of royal Jordan' - this distinguished him as the first police officer with such a distinction. The job of head of intelligence bureau of Peshawar was most demanding in view of evolving changes at national and international levels in the late seventies.

He was the first person to hold that office continuously for 12 years. He worked honorarily as director of sports and tourism, secretary of old boys union of Edwardes College, patron of various sports associations besides heading intelligence bureau of Peshawar - very few people can boast on this record.

Agha ji was a born sportsman having led the football team at national and international levels; he had an ardent desire to see sports flourish in Pakistan in general and in NWFP in particular. He accomplished a fantastic job while working as director sports for the development of sports and sport grounds in NWFP.

He had an insatiable appetite to work for sports; he was actively involved in patronising amateur wrestling association, weight lifting association, cycling association, boxing association, squash association and many more. Shortly before his demise he was appointed as president of ad-hoc Pakistan Football Association, NWFP, having served as national selector a couple of months earlier. Pakistan Football Association was not new to him as he had a close association with it for 25 years in various capacities.

He led his life with exemplary discipline! He would wake up by the clock and would hit the bed at a predetermined time. His daily routine was highly predictable. He knew how to extract maximum work out of his routine. Essentially, his life pattern was simple but very organised. He, invariably, would be in his office by seven thirty and would come home around four. During his career in Intelligence bureau he was heading the most sensitive office at most turbulent times and was extremely busy but still he would find time for important things like visiting poor friends and relatives.

"I have invested all my life's earnings in building four houses", Agha ji replied to an inquisitive officer, who asked him about his investments; he added, "these four houses are my four children, which I have tried to equip with the best education that I could afford and the best training that I could offer them". All of us brothers and sister were pampered by his love. My only sister was without doubt his favourite. Not a single day passed without Agha ji talking to her on the telephone or a week passed without Agha ji going to Islamabad to see her and her family. Her children waited for Agha ji's visit so, as he would take them around and literally spoil them by his unlimited love. Sanaullah enjoyed most intimate and special relationship with Agha ji. They would sit together for hours and chat and make plans for the future - they were more like friends. The vacuum Agha ji created in his life - no one else can fill. Amer, the youngest one, was the closest to Agha ji; when Sanaullah and myself were away from home Amer stayed with Agha ji and he somehow or the other 'absorbed' Agha ji’s personality. Both physically and habitually he seems to be Agha ji's copy.

His success in MBA made Agha ji really happy and Agha ji would frequently say that he had succeeded in his mission in educating his children. I being the eldest son was wallowed in his love. He took care of all my affairs with absolutely no binding on me. I was particularly a very happy man that where I had little time for my son, Wahaj, he had found his best friend in the form of Agha ji! Whenever we would come home, Wahaj would run to Agha ji's room, wake him up, spend some time in his room and then make his way to our room. Almost daily they would go out together and spend hours in fields. Wahaj learned all his initial words and expressions from Agha ji. Like us, our children also enjoyed the same cordial relationship with him.

He was the most loving person that one could ever come across. His lips were always adorned with a smile. An amalgam of elegance and grace! A handsome figure combined with eloquence of speech. And added to that tons of honesty and loads of humility mixed with exceptional manners and you get my Agha ji.

Agha Ji, even after nineteen years, we miss you at every step but can feel your presence and you remain a guiding force in our lives.

Though there is a lot more to be said, I wish to conclude on this very nice small poem which perhaps expresses a lot that is unsaid:

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile that he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty that you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him only and that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can what he would want; smile, open your eyes, love and go on